5 effective ways to overcome setbacks in life

5 effective ways to overcome setbacks in life5 effective ways to overcome setbacks in lifeI had been assigned to my first FBI field office for less than one year when I was unexpectedly transferred across the country and given 30 days to report to my new office. The FBI likes to landsee how new agents overcome setbacks in their personal life and survive surprises in their career and still manage to land on their feet.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraWeve all started over in a different environment, lost a job or had a relationship fail. We grapple for a lifeline as we struggle to overcome ansicht setbacks. We feel the tug of war between a cerebral brain that thinks its way through problems and an emotional limbic brain ordnungsprinzip that feels its way around.To us, it feels as though each of these brain components have their own agenda, and at some point a certain amount of par alysis can set in as the two brains fight for dominance. Technically, this is what happens in post-traumatic stress disorder. The prefrontal cortex of the cerebral thinking brain loses its ability to regulate theemotional limbic system. While we may not experience the full impact of PTSD, stress and anxiety, they can still affect ur ability to make the best decisions.We can develop a strong mind when we find ways to get the cognitive and emotional parts of the brain to cooperate.Mental toughnessinvolves the ability to experience discomfort yet still feel comfortable. A setback doesnt have to be the end of the story. In fact, a setback might be exactly what we need to get where we want to be.Here are five effective ways to overcome setbacks in life1. Start with a minor source of uneasinessWhen we move out of our core competency, we often feel vulnerable and weak, not unlike how we feel when confronted with a setback. We no longer feel in control because we dont have the right answers or feel uncertainty about our choices.To overcome setbacks, we need a beginners mind that leaves behind old assumptions and gropes for new ways to move forward. This is exactly the mindset we need when confronted with obstacles and adversity We may not be able to rely upon our developed skills as we face a new barrier or challenge, but if weve continually and deliberately placed ourselves in situations that are beyond our core competency, were mora prepared to deal with the unknown.With experience and practice, we can predict our response to the unknown with greater accuracy. This is another important component of mental toughness - the ability to choose our response when confronted with the unknown rather than simply react to our circumstances.How to make it work for you Identify a minor source of uneasiness that clearly places you in a discomfort zone - but not in a panic mode. When you do, you begin totrain your emotional and thinking brains to communicate with one another. St art small so it doesnt put your emotional limbic system into survival mode. However, the challenge does need to be big enough to generate a physical reaction.For example, if you fear public speaking, the thought of your performance can cause palms to sweat and heart rate to increase. These physiological responses are triggered by yourfear response- which is housed in your limbic system. Start with a small group so you can experience the physiological responses. Prepare your talk and deliver it with confidence. Next time, speak in front of a larger group, etc.2. Pinpoint where your fear is coming fromThe limbic system is powerful we often have a visceral reaction to a situation before we have a conscious awareness of it. This is called ntzlich reaction. Studies have shown that we can use our thinking brain to control our limbic system if we do two thingsRecognize what has happenedTell ourselves that there is no reason to react with fearIf we force ourselves to use our cognitive func tion, we activate theprefrontal lobe of the cerebral cortex which can generate positive thoughts. Once we call attention to our fears, were able to see them in a different, and often more objective, light.How to make it work for you When you experience stress or anxiety that is produced from a fear, your brains amygdala triggers negative emotions. When this happens, observe your thoughts and feelings but dont chase them Take a deep breath and ask yourself, Have I overreacted? What triggered this response?Over time, youll get better at it because life tends to offer several fire alarms over the years, and eventually youll learn not to jump out the window every time.3. Get to know your fearStudies have foundthat when you call your emotion by name, it lessens the limbic systems activity. When you accurately identify and describe your discomfort, you lessen the power of the fear associated with it.When your fear is left in darkness, it will grow and sabotage your efforts to move forward . Dont hesitate to pinpoint your fear and spend a little time with it. The more you get to know it, the better you can control it.Similar researchhas found that it is important to limit your description of your fear to one or two words. If you engage in a long soliloquy, it will onlyheighten your responseand produce adverse effects.The ability to overcome setbacks and move on is the definition of resilience. Accept what you cannot change and choose a more productive response. No one enjoys stress and discomfort, but they can help you grow.How to make it work for you The next time youre stuck in traffic, resist the temptation to honk the horn, beat the steering wheel or shout obscenities. Instead, view the traffic jam as an opportunity to get better control of your emotions. Again, identify the specific emotion you feel and why you feel it. Acknowledge it and own it. Do this over and over when you do, you change the way your brain functions. You cant erase a negative encounter from y our consciousness, but you can park it in a place where you can deal with it at a later time.4. Get comfortable with your discomfortMost of our discomfort is fed by our fears - fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of embarrassment, etc. Once weve stared it down, its easier to become comfortable with our discomfort because fear is no longer the monster that lurks in the dark. The more we know about it, the better we can control the circumstances that cause it to rear its ugly head.At the very least, we can predict our emotional responses and head off unproductive ones before we sabotage ourselves.Its possible to get comfortable with your discomfort. If you can walk on scorching hot beach sand as you make your way to the cool water of the ocean, youve got the gist of a strong mind. The discomfort is there, you are aware of it, and while it doesnt feel great, it co-exists with the pleasure of a day on the beach.Pain is inevitable suffering is optional. Buddhist proverbHow to make it w ork for you Dont look at setbacks as failures because this attitude distorts your view of reality. Without a clear perception of reality, you cant see how to pivot, solve, or make progress around a setback. Psychiatrist Daniel G. Amen states in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life that the way we overcome setbacks wont unfold in a linear progression. As he puts it, no one gets better in a straight line. Growth is always about up-and-down struggles.5. Expect the worstAs entrepreneurs, leaders and business owners, you already know that setbacks are routine. The trick is to anticipate them. Ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? That way youre never surprised by what the day brings instead, youre prepared for it.This is not about pessimism, its about reality. When we contemplate negative events in advance, nothing takes us by surprise. Its wise to imagine every conceivable setback so we can make plans on how to cope with them. We wont be rattled and can stay calm wh en they do show up.Begin each day by telling yourself Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness.- Marcus AureliusHow to make it work for you Distinguish between setbacks and roadblocks. Setbacks can slow you down but wont actually stop you. Roadblocks are like strips of flypaper you get caught and they can threaten your progress. Because both setbacks and roadblocks are unavoidable, build extra fluff time into your daily schedule. If every belastung minute is chock full of meetings and deadlines, a little blunder or miscalculation can disrupt your entire day.This article first appeared in SmartBrief. You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of m entally strong people5 effective ways to overcome setbacks in lifeWeve all started over in a different environment, lost a job or had a relationship fail. We grapple for a lifeline as we struggle to overcome these setbacks. We feel the tug of war between a cerebral brain that thinks its way through problems and an emotional limbic brain system that feels its way around.To us, it feels as though each of these brain components have their own agenda, and at some point a certain amount of paralysis can set in as the two brains fight for dominance. Technically, this is what happens in post-traumatic stress disorder. The prefrontal cortex of the cerebral thinking brain loses its ability to regulate theemotional limbic system. While we may not experience the full impact of PTSD, stress and anxiety, they can still affect our ability to make the best decisions.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, an d moreWe can develop a strong mind when we find ways to get the cognitive and emotional parts of the brain to cooperate.Mental toughnessinvolves the ability to experience discomfort yet still feel comfortable. A setback doesnt have to be the end of the story. In fact, a setback might be exactly what we need to get where we want to be.Here are five effective ways to overcome setbacks in life1. Start with a minor source of uneasinessWhen we move out of our core competency, we often feel vulnerable and weak, not unlike how we feel when confronted with a setback. We no longer feel in control because we dont have the right answers or feel uncertainty about our choices.To overcome setbacks, we need a beginners mind that leaves behind old assumptions and gropes for new ways to move forward. This is exactly the mindset we need when confronted with obstacles and adversity We may not be able to rely upon our developed skills as we face a new barrier or challenge, but if weve continually and d eliberately placed ourselves in situations that are beyond our core competency, were more prepared to deal with the unknown.With experience and practice, we can predict our response to the unknown with greater accuracy. This is another important component of mental toughness - the ability to choose our response when confronted with the unknown rather than simply react to our circumstances.How to make it work for you Identify a minor source of uneasiness that clearly places you in a discomfort zone - but not in a panic mode. When you do, you begin totrain your emotional and thinking brains to communicate with one another. Start small so it doesnt put your emotional limbic system into survival mode. However, the challenge does need to be big enough to generate a physical reaction.For example, if you fear public speaking, the thought of your performance can cause palms to sweat and heart rate to increase. These physiological responses are triggered by yourfear response- which is hou sed in your limbic system. Start with a small group so you can experience the physiological responses. Prepare your talk and deliver it with confidence. Next time, speak in front of a larger group, etc.2. Pinpoint where your fear is coming fromThe limbic system is powerful we often have a visceral reaction to a situation before we have a conscious awareness of it. This is called gut reaction. Studies have shown that we can use our thinking brain to control our limbic system if we do two thingsRecognize what has happenedTell ourselves that there is no reason to react with fearIf we force ourselves to use our cognitive function, we activate theprefrontal lobe of the cerebral cortex which can generate positive thoughts. Once we call attention to our fears, were able to see them in a different, and often more objective, light.How to make it work for you When you experience stress or anxiety that is produced from a fear, your brains amygdala triggers negative emotions. When this happens, observe your thoughts and feelings but dont chase them Take a deep breath and ask yourself, Have I overreacted? What triggered this response?Over time, youll get better at it because life tends to offer several fire alarms over the years, and eventually youll learn not to jump out the window every time.3. Get to know your fearStudies have foundthat when you call your emotion by name, it lessens the limbic systems activity. When you accurately identify and describe your discomfort, you lessen the power of the fear associated with it.When your fear is left in darkness, it will grow and sabotage your efforts to move forward. Dont hesitate to pinpoint your fear and spend a little time with it. The more you get to know it, the better you can control it.Similar researchhas found that it is important to limit your description of your fear to one or two words. If you engage in a long soliloquy, it will onlyheighten your responseand produce adverse effects.The ability to overcome setbacks a nd move on is the definition of resilience. Accept what you cannot change and choose a more productive response. No one enjoys stress and discomfort, but they can help you grow.How to make it work for you The next time youre stuck in traffic, resist the temptation to honk the horn, beat the steering wheel or shout obscenities. Instead, view the traffic jam as an opportunity to get better control of your emotions. Again, identify the specific emotion you feel and why you feel it. Acknowledge it and own it. Do this over and over when you do, you change the way your brain functions. You cant erase a negative encounter from your consciousness, but you can park it in a place where you can deal with it at a later time.4. Get comfortable with your discomfortMost of our discomfort is fed by our fears - fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of embarrassment, etc. Once weve stared it down, its easier to become comfortable with our discomfort because fear is no longer the monster that lurks in the dark. The more we know about it, the better we can control the circumstances that cause it to rear its ugly head.At the very least, we can predict our emotional responses and head off unproductive ones before we sabotage ourselves.Its possible to get comfortable with your discomfort. If you can walk on scorching hot beach sand as you make your way to the cool water of the ocean, youve got the gist of a strong mind. The discomfort is there, you are aware of it, and while it doesnt feel great, it co-exists with the pleasure of a day on the beach.Pain is inevitable suffering is optional. Buddhist proverbHow to make it work for you Dont look at setbacks as failures because this attitude distorts your view of reality. Without a clear perception of reality, you cant see how to pivot, solve, or make progress around a setback. Psychiatrist Daniel G. Amen states in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life that the way we overcome setbacks wont unfold in a linear progression. As he p uts it, no one gets better in a straight line. Growth is always about up-and-down struggles.5. Expect the worstAs entrepreneurs, leaders and business owners, you already know that setbacks are routine. The trick is to anticipate them. Ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? That way youre never surprised by what the day brings instead, youre prepared for it.This is not about pessimism, its about reality. When we contemplate negative events in advance, nothing takes us by surprise. Its wise to imagine every conceivable setback so we can make plans on how to cope with them. We wont be rattled and can stay calm when they do show up.Begin each day by telling yourself Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness.- Marcus AureliusHow to make it work for you Distinguish between setbacks and roadblocks. Setbacks can slow you down but wont actually stop you. Roadblocks are like strips of flypaper - you get caught and th ey can threaten your progress. Because both setbacks and roadblocks are unavoidable, build extra fluff time into your daily schedule. If every last minute is chock full of meetings and deadlines, a little blunder or miscalculation can disrupt your entire day.This article originally appeared on LaRae Quy.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people